Weeks16-17

I like that number, 17. It looks so close to 20. And 20 seems so close to half of 52, which is halfway through the deployment . It's a stretch I know, but I'm trying.

To say it's been a rough 2 weeks is putting it lightly. The combination of two year old drama mixed with Daddy being gone drama has turned this house into quite the tornado lately. Sleeping has been a huge issue that is finally starting to return back to normal. It's as if we have been fighting a 3 week hang over from that one week of party time that he was home. But we are making it through, slowly but surely, we are making it through.

Not much to report lately. Besides the daily sleep battles and busy Christmas-ness, we've been trying to keep things as calm as possible around here.

Highlights of the last two weeks-
- A santa breakfast with the family
- BEAUTIFUL weather for afternoon runs with the boys
- Talking to Daddy daily
-Lots of days spent at the park
- Watching the polar express together
- Petting the goats at the zoo.. always a favorite with Mr. Pants
- Playing at the Johnson's house and baking cookies
- Two of the BEST early Christmas presents! Registration for the PF changs Half marathon and an AMAZING all in one vacuum/shampoer/hard floor cleaner!! Happy Mama!
-some Fun at the Children's Museum
- THE FIRST POOP ON THE POTTY!!!! Completely on his own, no pressure or "training" quite yet.
SO proud!

Saw this last week and died laughing. I have a lot of friends that would love to have this, mainly to make fun of me ;)

You can imagine the boys' amazement when this landed RIGHT behind our house last week! HOT AIR BALLOON! CACTUS!! Only in Arizona.

Checking out the ducks, a little too close, after getting muddy at the park 

HI! I'm the cutest baby ever 

Oh wait.. still the cutest! 

Elfie trying to steal my Steve! 

I couldn't wait to clean the house. Pants thought it was optimus prime, so he was equally excited. 

Hi Daddy!! 

aviators and dog tags

First time dipping grilled cheese in Tomato soup! Except that he put goldfish in the soup and pretended they were in the hot tub or " hot water" as he calls it. 

Cousins and breakfast with Santa

Mr. Pants and " me-maw"

Great Grandma and Papa Olson with mr. Kaners

Their Grandkiddos- typical Mr. Pants. 

Love them 

Always fun at the Johnson's! 

In all honesty, it's pretty tough to get in the Christmas spirit without my husband here. We have spent the last few years on our own, as a family, beginning our own traditions and memories. That space is just so empty right now... a seriously HUGE space. But before I can even step foot into that pitty party , it's important to remember that everyone is facing their own struggles right now.

Time to suck it up, and get in the spirit.   Enjoy the holidays and all of the blessings we have been given this year, and look forward to all that is to come. Especially now that we know there WILL be a 2013.

A very MERRY week to everyone. Hug your loved ones a little extra for all of us that can't!

Week 15

Wow. What a rough week this has been. Luckily the sunshine is beginning to poke it's little head through the storm clouds.

We had a terrible TERRIBLE couple days with Mr. Pants. When he finally realized Daddy was gone again , he lost it. Big time. We went days with very little sleep, violent temper tantrums, and LOTS and LOTS of coffee. It doesn't matter how well you were coasting without your loved one before, or even how great of a time you spent with them while they were home. The second they leave again everything starts right back at square one. The sadness, the loneliness, the misbehavior, the tantrums... for ALL of us! I hate to jinx anything but I think we have made it through the adjustment time. We are back to a normal sleep schedule THANK the lord. ALSO thankful that Kane had no idea what was going on, and just kept sleeping and smiling... LIKE usual ;)  I am finally able to conquer my mile long to-do list . Even actually run and/or watch maybe 30 full minutes of tv for a change.

We did manage to squeeze in SOME good moments last week. Coffee with my favorite Army Wife while the boys played, gorgeous morning walks, and cracking Mr. Pants up with his Elf on the Shelf "Elfie." Very unoriginal I know but his first choice was " Two years old" and that name was just too much of a mouthful. But she is a girl , I mean we have enough boys around here as it is. At least the Elf can be on my side.

Today being the start of week 16- a new journey is ahead of our soldier. A new place to call home for 9 more months. A place that has been calling his name for nearly 7 long years.

 I'm so proud of him and all of his accomplishments. I can't help but jump back to those steps outside of the Flagstaff house he was living in during college the summer of 2005. After a few months of dating,  falling head over-heels for him regardless of his silly hair, geeky nature, and terrifying music choice. He told me he was dropping out of school to enlist in the Army. That he wanted to be a pilot and serve our country, he had already talked to a recruiter. He would go to basic in the fall and that he didn't want any strings to " hold him back. " I remember sobbing for days, months even, not understanding why. I told him I would write him , we could make it work. He stood his ground telling me that he would soon go to war and he didn't want to get in too deep when he didn't know the outcome. He just wanted to go. Alone. THat he did. We both moved on, went our separate ways. He ended up getting pushed into another area of Army aviation instead of completing the infamous " flight packet." I finished college, kept cheering for the Lumberjacks , and enjoyed every moment of the college experience that NAU had to offer.

Fast forward 7 years. Here we are. He is off doing what he thought he was going to do " alone"  no strings attached many years ago. Instead he has a wife of 3.5 years and two little boys to video chat with each night. I personally wouldn't have it any other way.

I am so blessed and lucky to be married to a true hero. He's not just a soldier that is serving because it is a "job" or because he wants to fly helicopters. He is a soldier because he loves our country, and he believes in what our flag stands for. He is honored to be fighting for our freedom as Americans, not just trying to survive a minimum commitment and make a run for it. This is his life, our life as a family.

Even though I am a little uneasy tonight, I feel very at peace knowing what is to come. That sounds so silly I know. What is peaceful about war? I guess I just know that my husband is exactly where he has wanted to be since that day on the steps when he broke up with 19-year old me. God really has put him in the right place at the right time, and for that I am forever grateful.

It is all in HIS hands now. Hands which I trust and have complete faith in.

Godspeed and safe Travels Babe, LAAA youu

100 days

We've done it! We've reached the hundred day mark in our first deployment ... Only 252 days to go !

The series we just finished up at church was about forgotten virtues. Today our pastor spoke about integrity and not pretending to be something that we aren't, how ultimately the truth sets us free. So here is some truth without the sugar coating.

I didn't keep track of the last two weeks, and to be quite honest I'm not going to. We had a busy week preparing for thanksgiving , and then an absolutely amazing week together as a family . I like to keep track of the weeks here so that my brain doesn't have to, but spending that one week together is something that will always remain a clear and perfect memory.

So this is tough. Saying goodbye for a second time . The first time was more like 'ok see you in a few months no big deal.' But this right now is the real deal. We said goodbye on Wednesday knowing that the next time we touch will be August at the earliest .AUGuST??!! Yikes. Typing that brought that nauseating lump to my throat .

Anyone that knows two year olds knows that from2-3 is a serious intellectual growth spurt. In the past three months mr. Pants has grown up more than I even realized. He now completely understands what is going on. We talk at night about bad guys, and Apache's ( sometimes even chinooks) , Daddy's gone bye bye , and even listing Daddy's friends that are working in 'afi-Stan ' too . Last night he told me that he's scared. What a helpless feeling to know that your two year old is scared about something so completely out of your control. And even more disconcerting that all you want to say is... Me too baby, me too. But you can't because it's your job to be strong .sigh.

I'm really not trying to throw a pitty party. I know we will move forward, and the next 9 months will be over before we know it .

We all always debate who has it harder , the spouse or the soldier. I think we have it all wrong. The one that gets hit the hardest IS the military child. As spouses we know what we are getting into, but our kids are born into this life . God created them to be strong and flexible children, but at the end of the day they have more stress than we realize . The thoughts they have , the fears, the sad days are much stronger than we see. No matter the age.



I CAN say YAY for 100 days.

YAY for great family that is keeping me too busy to even think straight most days

And YAY for awesome Army wives whose support and love makes all the difference in the world.


As always, thanks for reading friends, have a wonderful week.

 Roll tide? I don't know. That's the only closing phrase that came to mind. I was in Alabama for too long...

weeks 11+12

I realize now why I have been documenting week by week of this deployment. I missed a week and ALREADY forget that entire week. What happened? Thank you iphone for keeping track for me...

 IS IT SERIOUSLY THANKSGIVING NEXT WEEK!?!!!HOLY COW!

Ok so here goes a quick review of the past two weeks. A pretty life changing two weeks might I add... ok I know I'm dramatic but really running your first 26.2 is life changing in itself not to mention doing it amongst such inspiring people.

We had a blast at Steven's 'girlfriend' Abby's birthday party ! The theme was Minnie Mouse, and her little minnie outfit was the CUTEST thing you will ever see. Steven was obsessed with the giant Minnie balloon. ALmost to the point of being Awkward for the rest of us, like his little blow up girlfriend. Kaners loved all the attention from Auntie Candace and Robin, lucky guy! 

MR. Kane turned 9 months! Since we couldn't celebrate with Daddy we went to the park and checked out his brick at the Veteran's memorial instead 

Nothing new, just a trip to target. But check out how big he is getting! 

 Then the sickness hit Mr. Pants and I. NO FUN! I could indulge in the gory details, but I will refrain. It was horrendous . I really thought there was no way I would make it for my race and was devastated. Luckily it was of the 24 hour stomach bug variety, and was gone before we knew it!

What an amazing weekend in Georgia. I really do love the south. Maybe it's from being born in Florida, maybe it's because it is where we started our family, or maybe it's just the boiled peanuts and excessive use of y'all but it really does make my heart happy.

The race was perfect. The group of people running for Mat were all so inspiring to be around. I still can't believe how fast my little legs took me, coming in 20 minutes faster than expected. Hitting a marathon under 4 hours is something I had hoped to one day achieve, but something MUCH bigger than me helped me reach this goal the first time around!

Tovah and I were able to run together the first few miles of the course...

Trucking along around mile 18 I think...

FINISHED! 

Our group running for Mat

His family. 

Honoring their Soldier and Hero.

After the race they all headed back to Washington where Gonzaga, his Alma mater, held a 5k run for him Monday morning in honor of Veteran's day. 

I was so happy to return home to my boys after a great trip. We are lucky to have my Mom right here to not only help out while I trained for 4 months, but also to keep them happy and healthy while I enjoyed some peace and quiet :)

This week was a week that we have been waiting for since about February! WHY? BECAUSE the Johnson's are finally in AZ! It took moving to Alabama to find each other, even though we went to high school in neighboring towns. I'd like to call them our " soul family. " You know that balance that forms between people that is too good to be true. The type of oppositional balance ideal in marriages and best friends? That is our family to the Johnson's. We all balance each other out so well that we almost just mesh into one family, and it is perfect. Unfortunately Todd is heading to another desert soon, but we are fortunate that we  have each other here for support for the next 9 months. 

Mr . Pants and Coey eating some grilled cheese. 

Their laughter together is contagious 

Baby Kane loving on Todd

Last night before bed, Mr. Pants picked out a random book about dog breeds to read .He has been very into non-fiction lately, and this was a nice change from the NatGeo book on tunnels.

 Apparently something is really funny about Chihuahuas... 

It is finally getting cool in Arizona! My mom was panicking that the boys didn't have enough warm clothes, which set me into a mild panic about shopping. So this morning I went into the boxes that have yet to be opened since the move... and it was like CHRISTMAS already! Turns out that Kane fits into Steven's entire first fall wardrobe, and Steven still fits into LAST year's fall wardrobe. WIN! The joy of having boys. No shopping needed . Good thing we live in Arizona again and they get to wear hoodies and jeans for a whole 3 months until its summer again... sigh... I need a cold climate ASAP. 

Tonight we got to spend some time with my Cousin and his beautiful family that is visiting from Alaska. Here are the kiddos pigging out on ice cream and cake at Great Grandma Olson's house like we used to do.

After a long couple weeks for Steve...only 6 more days until HE IS HOME! I told Mr. Pants today that Daddy comes home next week and all he said was, TACKLE HIIIIIM. 

Thanksgiving is going to be amazing , we have way too much to be thankful for this year. 

I just hope that the week goes as slow as molasses. The 9 months after with no more R&R is a little unsettling. Do-able of course, but unsettling. 

As fortunate as we are, many friends are without their service member this entire holiday season. Keep everyone of them in your thoughts and prayers please and remember that your freedom is not free. 

HERE is to an amazing week to come . Happy Thanksgiving week to everyone!!

Bigger than us

This is SO so long. But a story that I feel needs to be told...


During our time in Alabama , I met a few different groups of women . Army wives . We had the women from  ST's warrant officer class who formed a pretty tight bond right away , then my closest friends consisting mainly of my favorite Zonies and too cute for words die hard Alabaman nieghbor  , And then there was a group I was fortunate to have found later on in our flight school journey - the FRG from our guys' BOLC class . For those fortunate enough to NOT know ARMY acronyms Basic Officer Leadership course /  Family Readiness Group. These ladies all met on Monday's for coffee which I attended when possible ( not often enough since it frequently ran into nap time, and anyone that knows my son knows we NEED that nap ) but each time we were able to go , I learned a little bit more about some remarkable women from all over the country .

I can be a loud , talk so much I even annoy myself type person. But I honestly prefer to just sit quietly and observe . One woman always stood out to me. One of those people who just radiated positive energy. Her smile never forced , always genuine . Her presence simply warm. When they say that pregnant women glow , this is who they were talking about ( she was just about ready to pop when I first met her)

Months and months go by . Shortly after we welcomed Mr. Kaners into the world , I started frequent morning jogs with the double BOB and boys in tow. Approaching me one morning was a young mom, probably my age , with HER double BOB and two boys in tow AND a beautiful boxer leashed on. Well definitely one upping me - that is awesome and brave! As we get closer to crossing paths I notice it is that cheerful girl I had met at coffee . Of course , being the kind hearted person she is, stopped for a quick chat, and we both continued on.

The following week I must have run into her every day. To the point that we were both probably thinking , ok stop stalking me. This is just getting weird . Whether it was at the commissary , Easter festival, out on the trails , we continued to run into eachother . Only now do I understand why.

The last time we ran into eachother that week was at Sunday Mass on post for Easter . So there we are , those people who are not only late but have a newborn and busy toddler in tow standing in the back . Geeez embarrassing . Not ideal for Easter service . As we rush in , who do I notice is also coming in late and standing next to us with a baby and toddler in tow ? It's my ' run into' friend of course . It was refreshing to see her face that morning and know I wasn't alone in the chaos . Our toddlers played with their thomas trains at our feet and we each held our babies close . After church ended I met her husband for the first time . Obviously our guys started out in the same class but hardly knew eachother .

This part has replayed over and over in my head for months now , so vividly. I remember her cheerfully saying ," well we are graduating this week ! The house is packed , ceremony is this week ,we are SO excited ." She told us that he would be deployed almost immediately but it would most likely be quick . I remember saying " good luck on everything ! Knowing Army Aviation we will definitely see you again soon ." ( the usual see you later among us all) and Steve said to him "Best of Luck to you over there man ! Congratulations on getting out of here ."

I remember that moment. I remember Wondering why god kept putting me in this woman's path. Literally .

The morning of my 26th birthday , I found out exactly why. The news spread like wildfire . Between Facebook, news articles , a couple missed calls, the first thing I heard that morning was that ... A Kiowa helicopter in Afghanistan was shot down .

The most heart throbbing, lump in your throat , sob producing words a spouse of a military pilot can hear . It DOES not matter if your spouse is sleeping in bed at home safe, or on a long tour over seas. It's the horrible awful reminder of how violent this War is and how quickly everything can change .

Most often we hear the names of the fallen and maybe shed a tear , think about them for a day or two, probably pray for them and their families. But this time it hit close. It was someone who had JUSt left flight school at Rucker . A Brand new pilot. A father of 2 beautiful boys , a husband ...It was HER Husband . How could this be ?

Our entire network of ARMY wives pulled together with prayers and encouragement . Her friends were all at her side, their hometown community showed tremendous support. It is a situation in which everyone is helpless . Words do not matter. Nothing can be said .

Even though I hardly knew him at all, and only knew her from our frequent run ins and coffee mondays... I knew they were put in our life with purpose .

Searching for something I could do to show my support , that my heart pours out to her and her two sons, I kept coming up empty .

Before all of this, I kept tossing around the idea of doing a full marathon during this first deployment . Everytime I tried to map it out I found it impossible to get in the miles necessary with two kids and no spouse at home .

That weekend it hit me. Now is the time to stop making excuses . The soldier marathon that I participated in last year is dedicated to our fallen soldiers . I decided to commit to do this Full marathon for her and her husband, for Army Aviation, for all of our heroes , for all of my Army wives , for my deployed husband , for my boys , and of course a little bit for myself .

The most special thing about this race is that participants wear 2 bibs. We wear one for ourself , and one for a fallen soldier . I am so extremely honored to wear a bib for LT fazzari and all that he and his family represent .

Throughout this training experience there have been challenging times. Days that I really wanted to give up.

One Saturday morning I was setting out to run 17 miles. For a pretty new runner of only 3 years , having a self proclaimed limit of 13.1 , 17 miles was outrageous . My mom came over at 5 am , like most Saturday mornings to stay with the kids, and I set out onto the dark sidewalk. I was terrified . How am I going to do this ? Just surviving it ?

At that moment I prayed . I asked for guidance . I said " God, give me the strength of the soldiers we have lost . If I am doing this for them please allow them to help guide me at least !" and off I went . Feeling a sudden unfamiliar warmth.

I caught a good pace quickly , my goal for long runs is always 10 min miles so 9:30 pace was ideal. Mile by mile flew by and I was doing great , felt great . I hit 12 miles and my Nike app informed me I was at 1:51. Noooo. This can't be. I have never hit a half marathon in under 2:10. Sure enough I hit 13.1 miles just over 2:00 !! Fastest ever . And then I kept going . It was like my legs were not my own . I was making amazing time . I hit my driveway at 2 hours and 35 minutes. A 9:09 pace for 17 miles ?!?!? As I took out my headphones heading to my front door I heard a loud familiar flapping sound and naturally looked straight up.

Flying directly overhead was some un-marked helicopter way too close to the neighborhood and completely out of nowhere .

I was carried by something so much bigger than me.

As I go into this week leading up to the big race, emotions are running everywhere.  lol. seriously... no pun intended. I am so thrilled to be doing this, I feel physically ready, and am honored to be supporting our service men and women on Veterans weekend. I'm missing ST more than ever. He is always my cheerleader ( hehe literally) and supports me in everything that I do. Not having a "sole sister" at the starting line with me, or him and my boys at the finish line will be a little different for sure. But it will be a great new experience and I am really looking forward to seeing everyone out there that has trained so hard to get to this point.

So here is to a great last week of training! To some amazing people that have left footprints in my life and heart. And a very happy Veterans week ( is that a real thing? let's pretend it is ) to all of the service members and their families that I love and care for so very much.

10 weeks

10 weeks down! That is just about 1/5 the way through this deployment!
Only 42 weeks to go.

For this week I am feeling like a little photo journalism style is much more fitting- between the abundance of pictures as of lately and the lack of time to think AKA make intelligible words. See there I go, not really making much sense.

We started off the weekend with a trip to Schnepf farms in Queen Creek. If you haven't been out there and live in Arizona you need to check it out. It's highlights are definitely the fall festival but it is open in the winter for Ice skating and Santa, the spring for a Peach festival, and a U-pick garden for all the time in between. My only regret is not planning an entire day out there, our trip was short and late in the day which ... well we all know how well toddlers and babies do during the "late in the day" time. 

Uncle Bob walking with Mr.

My busy boys and I

Loving on Aunt Courtney, like always.

SO happy to have found sunflowers in AZ. You would think there would be more .. right? Sun-Arizona hmmm

Sunflowers+Kaners = HAPPY Mama

Bouncing with Grandpa, his favorite pasetime 

Worn out at the end of the night 

THEN  we celebrated Grandma's 3-5 birthday ( we just won't say what order the numbers should be in...)

Mr. had his first Gymnastics class this week...

How cute is he? 

We had a blast Trick or Treating. It was Mr.'s first year actually WALKING so he was pretty thrilled about it. Of course sweet Kaners enjoyed the wagon ride and his very FIRST Halloween!  We Started off at Papa and Grandma's and made our way around the block. I must say my Mother in Law did an amazing job on their hats! It was an idea off Pinterest I asked her to make, they turned out so cute. I just pieced the costumes together inexpensively with comfortable alternatives to the itchy scratchy stuffed costumes you find in the store. 

Papa and Kaners- talk about BLUE eyes! 

So I SEMI dressed up... Christopher Robin with his Pooh bear and Tigger. 

Always wanting what his brother has !

This week has been all about the tackling. Every night before bed our living room turns into a wrestling match. Poor Kaners.

As fun and sweet-filled as Halloween is, I personally am so glad it is over so we can focus on the REAL holidays of the season. Especially because the NEXT holiday is Thanksgiving, and we get Daddy home for an entire week! It will be his only time home for the year, but we will absolutely make the most out of every second we have together. As a family. 

One week until the Soldier Marathon. I am feeling extremely ready for it, more so physically than emotionally. I have so many thoughts/feelings/ stories about the past 4 months of training. This week I fully plan on sitting down and dumping it all out on here to not only get it off my head, but also to share some tips and motivation! 

It's election week. But I've learned that if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all. 

HAPPY NOVEMBER! I really hope this month goes by as slow as humanly possible.