Bigger than us

This is SO so long. But a story that I feel needs to be told...


During our time in Alabama , I met a few different groups of women . Army wives . We had the women from  ST's warrant officer class who formed a pretty tight bond right away , then my closest friends consisting mainly of my favorite Zonies and too cute for words die hard Alabaman nieghbor  , And then there was a group I was fortunate to have found later on in our flight school journey - the FRG from our guys' BOLC class . For those fortunate enough to NOT know ARMY acronyms Basic Officer Leadership course /  Family Readiness Group. These ladies all met on Monday's for coffee which I attended when possible ( not often enough since it frequently ran into nap time, and anyone that knows my son knows we NEED that nap ) but each time we were able to go , I learned a little bit more about some remarkable women from all over the country .

I can be a loud , talk so much I even annoy myself type person. But I honestly prefer to just sit quietly and observe . One woman always stood out to me. One of those people who just radiated positive energy. Her smile never forced , always genuine . Her presence simply warm. When they say that pregnant women glow , this is who they were talking about ( she was just about ready to pop when I first met her)

Months and months go by . Shortly after we welcomed Mr. Kaners into the world , I started frequent morning jogs with the double BOB and boys in tow. Approaching me one morning was a young mom, probably my age , with HER double BOB and two boys in tow AND a beautiful boxer leashed on. Well definitely one upping me - that is awesome and brave! As we get closer to crossing paths I notice it is that cheerful girl I had met at coffee . Of course , being the kind hearted person she is, stopped for a quick chat, and we both continued on.

The following week I must have run into her every day. To the point that we were both probably thinking , ok stop stalking me. This is just getting weird . Whether it was at the commissary , Easter festival, out on the trails , we continued to run into eachother . Only now do I understand why.

The last time we ran into eachother that week was at Sunday Mass on post for Easter . So there we are , those people who are not only late but have a newborn and busy toddler in tow standing in the back . Geeez embarrassing . Not ideal for Easter service . As we rush in , who do I notice is also coming in late and standing next to us with a baby and toddler in tow ? It's my ' run into' friend of course . It was refreshing to see her face that morning and know I wasn't alone in the chaos . Our toddlers played with their thomas trains at our feet and we each held our babies close . After church ended I met her husband for the first time . Obviously our guys started out in the same class but hardly knew eachother .

This part has replayed over and over in my head for months now , so vividly. I remember her cheerfully saying ," well we are graduating this week ! The house is packed , ceremony is this week ,we are SO excited ." She told us that he would be deployed almost immediately but it would most likely be quick . I remember saying " good luck on everything ! Knowing Army Aviation we will definitely see you again soon ." ( the usual see you later among us all) and Steve said to him "Best of Luck to you over there man ! Congratulations on getting out of here ."

I remember that moment. I remember Wondering why god kept putting me in this woman's path. Literally .

The morning of my 26th birthday , I found out exactly why. The news spread like wildfire . Between Facebook, news articles , a couple missed calls, the first thing I heard that morning was that ... A Kiowa helicopter in Afghanistan was shot down .

The most heart throbbing, lump in your throat , sob producing words a spouse of a military pilot can hear . It DOES not matter if your spouse is sleeping in bed at home safe, or on a long tour over seas. It's the horrible awful reminder of how violent this War is and how quickly everything can change .

Most often we hear the names of the fallen and maybe shed a tear , think about them for a day or two, probably pray for them and their families. But this time it hit close. It was someone who had JUSt left flight school at Rucker . A Brand new pilot. A father of 2 beautiful boys , a husband ...It was HER Husband . How could this be ?

Our entire network of ARMY wives pulled together with prayers and encouragement . Her friends were all at her side, their hometown community showed tremendous support. It is a situation in which everyone is helpless . Words do not matter. Nothing can be said .

Even though I hardly knew him at all, and only knew her from our frequent run ins and coffee mondays... I knew they were put in our life with purpose .

Searching for something I could do to show my support , that my heart pours out to her and her two sons, I kept coming up empty .

Before all of this, I kept tossing around the idea of doing a full marathon during this first deployment . Everytime I tried to map it out I found it impossible to get in the miles necessary with two kids and no spouse at home .

That weekend it hit me. Now is the time to stop making excuses . The soldier marathon that I participated in last year is dedicated to our fallen soldiers . I decided to commit to do this Full marathon for her and her husband, for Army Aviation, for all of our heroes , for all of my Army wives , for my deployed husband , for my boys , and of course a little bit for myself .

The most special thing about this race is that participants wear 2 bibs. We wear one for ourself , and one for a fallen soldier . I am so extremely honored to wear a bib for LT fazzari and all that he and his family represent .

Throughout this training experience there have been challenging times. Days that I really wanted to give up.

One Saturday morning I was setting out to run 17 miles. For a pretty new runner of only 3 years , having a self proclaimed limit of 13.1 , 17 miles was outrageous . My mom came over at 5 am , like most Saturday mornings to stay with the kids, and I set out onto the dark sidewalk. I was terrified . How am I going to do this ? Just surviving it ?

At that moment I prayed . I asked for guidance . I said " God, give me the strength of the soldiers we have lost . If I am doing this for them please allow them to help guide me at least !" and off I went . Feeling a sudden unfamiliar warmth.

I caught a good pace quickly , my goal for long runs is always 10 min miles so 9:30 pace was ideal. Mile by mile flew by and I was doing great , felt great . I hit 12 miles and my Nike app informed me I was at 1:51. Noooo. This can't be. I have never hit a half marathon in under 2:10. Sure enough I hit 13.1 miles just over 2:00 !! Fastest ever . And then I kept going . It was like my legs were not my own . I was making amazing time . I hit my driveway at 2 hours and 35 minutes. A 9:09 pace for 17 miles ?!?!? As I took out my headphones heading to my front door I heard a loud familiar flapping sound and naturally looked straight up.

Flying directly overhead was some un-marked helicopter way too close to the neighborhood and completely out of nowhere .

I was carried by something so much bigger than me.

As I go into this week leading up to the big race, emotions are running everywhere.  lol. seriously... no pun intended. I am so thrilled to be doing this, I feel physically ready, and am honored to be supporting our service men and women on Veterans weekend. I'm missing ST more than ever. He is always my cheerleader ( hehe literally) and supports me in everything that I do. Not having a "sole sister" at the starting line with me, or him and my boys at the finish line will be a little different for sure. But it will be a great new experience and I am really looking forward to seeing everyone out there that has trained so hard to get to this point.

So here is to a great last week of training! To some amazing people that have left footprints in my life and heart. And a very happy Veterans week ( is that a real thing? let's pretend it is ) to all of the service members and their families that I love and care for so very much.